Nothing personal

One of the most useful thoughts for you in those moments when anger or sadness are growing up inside of you and are ready to burst out, just right before you act, stop, breath and think -  “nothing personal”.

If someone has disappointed you, offended you or lied to you – “nothing personal”. They did it because they are not the people you think they are and they must have had some pretty good reasons to do it, most of them are directly related to their well-being and beliefs of “what’s right”. So, don’t blame them and for your own sake – don’t blame yourself! It’s nothing personal. They didn’t do it because you are you. People act solely guided by their own interests, needs and understanding.

“Nothing personal, just business” and D. Miguel Ruiz’ second agreement “Never take anything personally. What other people say is about them, not you.” tell you almost all you need to know in order to avoid getting angry or hurt by other people’s words.

I’m aware that knowing is important, but applying it’s quite a different story.

So, let me give you a practical example of how this principle will work on a daily basis.

For girls, this thought can be useful, either when we get complimented or offended.

Imagine that someone comes and tells you “You are beautiful!”. It doesn’t mean that you suddenly became beautiful; it means that for the person who says it – you look beautiful. On the other hand, if someone approaches you and tells you “You are ugly!”, similarly, it doesn’t mean that you are ugly; it expresses only that person’s opinion on your looks. Either ways, you can't allow this person's point of view to deteriorate or improve the way you perceive your own appearance and let alone have their words destroy your self-esteem.

A dear friend of mine has always wondered how come an ex-girlfriend of his used to accuse him of lowering her self-esteem and he asks “How can I lower her self-esteem?! It is self-esteem after all, right?”.

The thing is, nobody should be able to tell you what to think or belief about yourself. It is you, who know yourself the best and it is you, who should love yourself the most.

Don’t try to make assumptions on people because they might be wrong and lead you to disappointment and false expectations. I will write about “making assumptions” soon, but until then, try to get used to the idea of “nothing personal” and practice!